two weeks?!!

hey everybody!

planting a walnut tree with her placenta, at her birth home, angelas home behind

bath time!

tonight marks vivienne's presence in this world, a special two weeks old.
alot has happened since the birth...
lots of feeding, my milk came in full force the tuesday night after the birth and i had breasts as hot as ovens, as heard as rocks for a few days...now they start dripping and tingle like kombucha when i so much as look at her, and every two hours or so. She has gained 300 grams(~2/3lb?) since birth.
alot of poop and pee, we have read alot about elimination communication, or infant potty training/natural infant hygiene, and have started by just not wearing diapers for most of the first weeks. this has ended up with alot of funny situations... warm peerunning down my belly, and some great projectile squirts of buttery poo everywhere. one day it just kept coming, and reminded me of when the cows were finished milking at camphill, most would release large amounts of manure spraying everywhere, almost jet like...thankfully it smells much less. but we have been able to learn some of her hey i need to go-please help communication. sure its not verbal but its just like anything else she needs. we have a purple potty which has been great during feedings and caught alot of pees upon waking the last few days. her system is starting to find a rhythm now and it seems to be getting easier the more aware and open we are to helping her.
alot of sleeping...during the day, and much more awake time during the night than has been pleasant for us both.She cuddles so well. and dreams so so much. i figure thats why i dreamt so much more during her pregnancy. the range of emotions as she sleeps is so adorable to watch. and the sounds too. much better than any tv program! so pure and full of personality.
She loves music, all types, all times of the day and dancing with dad all the time too. they are a super cute couple! the rocking chair here has also been such a relaxing place to be together, she loves movement-being in the sling and cooking, cleaning everything, as long as shes not hungry or wet.

angela has this postcard and i laugh every time i read it:

for all the english only speakers it reads:
excuse me Ms., your breast is hanging out...
oh my god! i left my baby on the bus!

postpartum depression hit hard a few days after the birth, crying about anything and everything, feeling completely not able to handle any of these changes and totally out of it. ralf has been such a help, comfort and support to me. taking care of making meals for us, doing all the laundry, getting food, changing diapers and making sure i have some space to myself each day has helped alot in the whole recovery process. i liked that angela also talked to us about the birth of myself into becoming a mother, the need for tears to cleanse the past, the present and the future space. to heal wounds of generations of birthing out of fear, the cleansing of within being so important to release during this time. the ability to embrace it here and now, and have a partner who will be with me in this space until i am ready to stop crying, to hold and love me, is such a blessing. i feel much better today, and have the last few days too, with much more strength to walk around and feel myself almost back to normal.
i have found it super frustrating that i cant get access to purchase the same organic herbs i can easily in seattle...because german law restricts and forbids it. there really isnt the same openness to herbs, so much fear around them here, so i have had difficulty obtaining things i feel comfortable using to feel better. melissa(catnip), raspberry leaf, blessed thistle, and nettle infusions have all been yummy and full of minerals, as well as kombucha.

today we took our second car ride, first in the baby seat, to get raw milk. she slept almost the whole time, except for a half awake feeding because my breasts were leaking so bad...
tschuess!

birth of Vivienne

so peaceful!

Saturday morning we got alot of snow, after almost a whole two weeks where we thought it would become spring... warm and lots of stormy winds and spiders/mosquitoes coming into the house.
Here is how the birth went:
Last friday, Martin our friend we met at camphill came over and we thought oh we have another week or so...but then that afternoon i started finding large pieces of mucus, which i thought oh maybe that is the plug. i started feeling like i should have a period with cramping in my lower abdomen that came and went the rest of the afternoon and evening. i had a really hard time sleeping and went into the sauna to feel some warmth. alot of lower back pain kept me awake, and awakening early saturday morning, with little movement helping feel better. the best thing was ralf rubbing my back.
over breakfast i continued having spirts of cramping which i started figuring out must be the so called contractions-or gifts of opening- as i wanted to relate to them. spiraling my hips and breathing through it worked the best. after bf i decided i needed to walk, so we went out and the beautiful sun greeted us, as well as little easter bell flowers, the firsts poping up, and the first cranes coming back from their winter african homes, the smell of pine whirrled through the air as i bent to pee and then hold on to ralfs waist as i spiraled every 3-5 min.
we came back to the house and things slowed down gifts coming every 10-15 min. and we tried to take a nap but i couldnt. around 4pm i decided it was bath time. i had talked alot about having a water birth and tried keeping out of the water for as long as possible...but felt this was the time to slide on in. the gifts started picking up again after an hour or so in the water and it felt so relaxing to be in there. feeling hungry ralf got avacado for me and it tasted delicious. having felt my cervix, i estimated around 3-4 cm and could start to feel a wrinkly head, ralf feeling it too before i felt another gift and moved into spirals buoyed on my belly in the water.
this first stage lasted until sometime around 7pm where i found myself suddenly wanting to push with all of my being. i found this to be so much more enjoyable than the first part, the first feeling more uncomfortable, the second feeling so powerful and strong. As i felt inside myself again, the awe of being fully dilated and bearing down -on my knees (because there wasnt enough room to squat in the tub)-feeling the head of hair and having ralf do the same before another rush made me want more space. ralf was on the outside of the bathtub, facing me inside and it felt wonderful to relax into his arms and be rubbed during rest periods. i had made two really strong infusions of raspberry leaf tea the day before and drank this cold, as well as ginger infusion with ghee to help make my birth canal as slipery as possible. then with another rush and release through pushing, the babys head came out and we could feel so much hair and a little ear. this was so incredible for both of us. shallow breaths and not pushing until i felt really ready to...the body slid out and ralf unwraped the cord from around the neck as we brought the baby up to us. we kissed and welcomed it, not really even thinking to check if it is a boy/girl. we embraced the first cry, more a hey than fear as she looked around at us with big eyes. a few minutes later ralf said, so what do you think it is? he thought a boy and i said i dont care, its here. we then brought her up and were overjoyed with the whole celebration of life in our beings, and this new wise little one in my arms. the placenta came at 8:45pm and after this i felt for any tearing, which there was none. we practiced lotus birth and did not cut the cord, but let it dry up on its own, letting it fall off when it was ready, something i found much peace with at not causing a first separation from her partner, letting things part on their own, and also much less chance of infection. she parted with her placenta on wednesday the 3rd at 1am, just over 3 days after she was born. After the placenta was birthed, we invited Angela, our midwife, to join us and check the placenta, weigh Vivienne and take her height. then we walked down to the basement where we are living and settled in for the night.

a day or so before birth

snowperson!

belly mask time! done sunday before birth